Let's Talk About What It Means to Live Between Two Cultures
A Paradoxical, Cultural Experience
Growing up between two cultures is a beautiful thing that comes with a lot of unsaid experiences. You can be born to Gujarati, Punjabi, Pakistani, or Telegu parents for example but raised with American culture. This can look like having Indian values but living with in American societal values. This can feel like a challenging paradox at times.
Asian culture is typically based on family and collective culture. We give ourselves to others, we put others’ needs in front of our own. We prioritize what’s good for others over ourselves. We should dare not do something that would affect the family name. We want to look good for others but also care about nazar. Log Kya kahenge, right? This goes far past food, music or clothing. While these are important aspects of cultures that hold us down and are very important parts of us, I’m talking about the cultural aspects of who we are and how that affects growing up between two cultures.
I remember going away to college and noticing I was presenting way in front my friends and peers at college then going home and being a different version of myself. It felt like navigating two different cultures. This doesn’t always happen because you are forced to. In my case, American culture was welcomed in my parents’ home within reason, but it felt almost wrong. The cultures are so different. But it felt like having 2 identities at one point. How very tiring looking back at it.
American culture on the other hand, is very individualistic. Every man for his, her or their self. You don’t care what others think. In American culture, you are divided. We may look out for one another, but only to an extent.
Whereas in Indian culture, you may basically sacrifice yourself for someone else.
For example an example of cultural differences is how you meet your romantic partner and what is acceptable. In American culture, it's common to live together before marriage to experience it and navigate living together prior to committing a relationship to another level. In Indian culture, waiting till after marriage is more common and encouraged. How do you navigate that? Do you defy cultural norms and live together knowing it may be helpful and healthy for you and your partner or do you follow what's culturally comfortable but may cost you in the future?
How To Balance Two Cultures
I find it helpful to welcome both cultures but also acknowledge how different they are. What you choose from each culture will change depending on your life circumstances and where you are in life. For example, as an adolescent you may likely cling to American culture. Whereas, as you grow older and become more self assured, you may find more value and alignment with your Indian culture.
Neither is right or wrong.
It almost feels like an initiation in being bicultural is having to juggle these two identities. Each journey is personal, different and valuable.
If you live in an area where there are a lot of people from the same cultural group, you may find yourself not having to assimilate as much or you may find it easy to blend both cultures.
On the other hand, if you live in a predominantly White area, you may feel alone, different, alien like almost and you may swing more to the American culture.
Assimilation is a form of survival. There is no right or wrong necessarily to being bicultural.
It’s about what feels like home and aligned with you, and that can change.